Almost goodbye graduation. Almost miss you Shakespeare.

I will study. I will study. I will study. Ok. Not happening.

“Your exams start in twenty-two days, Sai” my mum warned me.

Shucks! No! Twenty-two days? Ok today is the first. I have my final, final (final this year, final grad exams) exams starting from the twenty-third May. They go on till the fif^th of June.

You must be wondering what I study. *clears throat*

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m majoring in English. Though I love reading, Literature is not my cup of tea. So if you are expecting Shakespearean jargon, methinks thou art at the wrong place.

Because:

1.       In another forty years, I’ll be ‘old’. Not ‘auld’.

2.       We Indians respond to ‘you’ not ‘thou’.

3.       Friends are friends and cousins are cousins. What did Shakespeare call his aunt’s son?

4.       I spurt meaningful rhyming sentences occasionally. Sonnets are not my mug of ale (a Shakespearean drink – beer made with top fermenting yeast).

5.       You annoy me? I’ll call you git, mental, bitch, ass, bugger, or a few combinations of words with F’s. But surely not ‘jackanapes’ or ‘canker-blossoms’ or ‘poisonous bunch-back’d toads’.

6.       I’m ‘writing’ this post. I’m not ‘writeth’ this post.

7.       ‘It is’ sounds better then ‘tis’. Right? Lazy writers! I don’t appreciate internet language either.

8.       Shakespearean rule – verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns. My rule – verse for poets, prose for casual readers, and songs for singers. Lovers can romance, ruffians can make trouble, clowns can entertain.

9.       My suitor better not compare me to a midsummer’s night dream while wooing me. I’d leave him for living in England in the sixteenth or the seventeenth century.

10.   No I won’t dress like a man to woo a man. Because I’d never be able to banish him or claim his throne. India is a democracy.