I took it between my right fore and middle fingers and between my lips, trying hard to imitate the damsel in distress style of holding a cigarette, feigning the confidence of an advanced smoker. Honestly, I only read about ways to smoke online, second hand experience does not equal to firsthand experience.
Click. Click. And another click and a hard draw!
Cough cough cough cough cough… Cough cough cough cough cough…
I must have drawn stares. Maybe even sniggers. Surely a few “first timer! Huh!”’s.
The best way to stop worrying about it is caring two hoots about it.
“here.” I sounded choked, but I still aimed at nonchalance.
He just patted me on the head.
“Ok?”
I nodded.
“Water?”
I nodded again.
* * * * * * * * * *
“First timer?”
“First timer!” I was extraordinarily loud, aiming splashes of Zandu Balm at the guessing numbskulls. But I think the guy was slightly taken aback.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to…”
“Mean to aim splashes of tobacco down my throat? I was helping.” With that I smiled to put the conversation to bed.
* * * * * * * * * *
Someone I like smokes twenty cigarettes a day. Someone I am friendly with calls herself an addict. Someone I talk to gets high on cigarettes and advices me to stay away from those ugly cancer sticks. Someone I call “mum” tells me to not entertain the ideas of “healthy motherhood” and “a good smoke” in one thought because they cancel each other out. But who do I hold responsible for my trend following fantasies? Then later who will I blame for falling ill?
Heaven is symbolic of paradise. God is symbolic of goodness. That bearded guy in the skies is kind, loving, nonviolent, and everything good you can think of. Then why do we fall sick? Why do we die at ages that are short? Why do people tell you to “ask god for help” when he does not really help?
Can’t I smoke and smile at the same time? If the word “disease” is so soothing to Mr. God’s ears, he should have let them affect lesser dangerous parts of our body.
Take my advice, Mr. God:
• Toenail cancer
Really. I am too lazy to chop off my toenails. Also, no one looks at your feet when they meet you first. And if you get them removed because of whatever reason, they’ll grow back. Or you can simply get fake nail extensions.
• Finger nail cancer
Sometimes, short coloured nails look all sporty and sexy. But whatever man, who cares about nails? Someone as stunning as Megan Fox doesn’t have thumb nails. She is still very capable of making you go wooooooooooooooooohhh like a wolf!
• Chemotherapy and loss of pubic hair
Not having pubic hair forever is a luxury, ‘nough said!
• What sounds better, heart attack or body hair attack?
You won’t require waxing for some time.
• Decay of the bacterial layer on the tooth
Dude, leave the tooth alone, and kill the germs if you want to kill.
Everyone has the right to live till hundred. Everyone has the right to die the day after their hundredth birthday. Trust me, we are not asking for a life span as long as yours. When you send that guy, Yamraj, to pick us up during our wheelchair days, we only want to jump up and sprint towards him on our weak feet with a broad grin!
Why such complicated messes, Mr. God? Are you scared that you’ll die of boredom if you did not have humans to play with? Really, you are the parent of the colonialist Briton!
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