I didn’t do anything, chocolate vodka did it!

I swear I would have sat on the road if she didn’t let me sit. But she was being nice and she let me sit in the auto. Oh man… like Baba Thillon once sang, I was “blowing in the wind”. I still am, you know?
But, I wish my Baba Thillon was Punjabi, but sadly he was bob Dillon. Born in another country, died in another country. But I wonder what he thinks about chocolate vodka. Do you get more flavoursome chocolate vodka in the States?
The chocolate vodka I drank… boring vodka I drank long time ago… namesake man… they are just namesake. Didn’t even taste chocolate! Chocolate is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Why isn’t anything happening?

I’m not drunk. I’m tipsy. I like talking when I’m drunk. I mean when I’m tipsy. When I’m drunk also I talk. But whatever man I’m sober and I can debate on neo liberalism and post colonialism. Wanna put up a fight? With me? I’m awesome at debates that sometimes I mentally strike the other person’s head with a hammer in frustration. Yesssssss……! That’s where the spirit comes from. I’m a great debater.

But what man? Chocolate vodka didn’t even taste chocolate! 260ML I drank up and all the money I paid for it. Why?

Why do I smell guava? I wanna smell chocolate. Someone give me chocolate. Please someone give me chocolate.

What’s wrong with my doughnut cover picture? Why is daddy cribbing about it? And you know? I asked why he didn’t like it. And he said “I’ll talk to you later.”
Mean daddy doesn’t realise the importance of chocolate and doughnuts in my life.

Someone send chocolate. Please someone send chocolate. But, note. I only eat white chocolate. Dark chocolate is Yuk… only Horney people like dark chocolate. No. I didn’t say it. Someone I know and don’t want to name once said it to me. I won’t name him because I hate him because he is a bad guy.

You know I was working on a group presentation and I asked a friend to give me her earphones. And earphones also smelled of chocolate. I wanted to ask her if she applies her chocolate lip balm on her earphones. Had I been drunk then I would have asked her, you know?
I was sad on Valentine’s Day. Because I didn’t get any chocolate. You know, hot women say valentino is an excuse for getting flowers and hugs and chocolates. And they regale themselves with chocolate, be it the pish posh chocolate Dundee cakes, or bigger aphrodisiacs like rum chocolate or novelty choco-treats like little chocolates wrapped in colourful papers and assorted in pretty baskets or even eclairs toffees.
But I guess it’s out of my business because I’m a sidekick and sidekicks are not hot.

But you know what; I respect the magic of globalisation. I want strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce. Sinful? Dark desires? You bet! Chocolate knows to tease the taste buds! 10 million orgasms in one go? Who would know? How cheesy! Oh I want chocolate cheese cake!

No one is getting me chocolate. I’ll sleep with my guava.

Baba Dillon, I’m “blowing in the wind”!

Naa jaane koi

(who would know)…
Kaisi hai ye zindagani (how’s the living)?
(I didn’t graduate in translation, so shush!)
This song has been playing in my head since yesterday. The cool boyband of our class sang to its melancholic beats for the farewell party. Yeah man, I know we are bidding our seniors a goodbye, but this is no adhuri kahani (incomplete story)!
How does my story unfold?
20 years long!

What do I feel right now?
Too mixed up.

Am I happy?
Ask me again tomorrow.

What do I want?
I’ll tell you when I figure.

Do I have the time?
Time and tide treat all of us the same way.

But I’ve learned a lot of things this week…

1. When you say the cool lot doesn’t hang out with you, it only means you’re insulting the lot that hangs out with you, the friends who love you.
2. Just because you think someone is cool doesn’t have to mean the person is actually cool, it only means we have our romantic phases.
3. I love myself and there’s no harm in saying it allowed. Haters may hate and potatoes may potate!
4. Depression only needs excuses like… oh the room doesn’t have enough sunlight.
5. Gossiping at someone else’s expense is always fun. Trust me; you do not know the entire story. Even if you do, it’s none of your business because you will not realise how it feels unless you are at the receiving end.
6. No, the woman who gets drunk at a party and ends up making out with someone is not a slut. Trust me, there’s more to it than what meets the eye.
7. God helps those who help themselves. Where will tossing in bed for days take you?
8. People respect those who respect themselves. Often, the most confident are called cool. You have it, you display it.
9. Friends in need are friends indeed! Because the time you ask for a friend the most is the time you have the least to offer.
10. The joy you share is jealousy doubled! This applies to random people, for friends it has, is and will always be joy you share is joy doubled. So choose wisely.
11. Just because you haven’t talked for a while doesn’t mean you aren’t friends anymore. One hug and the love will rekindle. Because the heart remembers.

This is still an adhoori kahani. I have a long way to go.
But what cheers me up is that I’m wiser than I was. I’ve learnt a lot. I’m still learning. I write a lifestyle blog. About things I’ve realised, about things I’ve experienced, about how I plan my life, and maybe someone somewhere will find answers.
And guess what, I’m respected. My parents read my blog. And their advice?
“Keep exploring, child.”

Why do I care about the social strata?
I’m placed on the topmost layer in my little society consisting of the most awesome people. And you know what? We are all equals. We all share the topmost layer.

I’m cool and I know it! :)

Being jobless makes me so cool. And I get tralala sorta fun. What’s life without a crazy theme? We totally deserve an entertaining change. The rat race demands blood and sweat. Beware; you want all that’s yours. Do you want to give up? Sell away your lungs and kidneys? No, don’t, no, don’t, please, begging.
You are still loved very much. Be safe, be happy, be good. Go to bed with a smile. Pick a line for your epitaph. My epitaph – Vindhya Himachala Yamuna Ganga. Because my name is Sai Vindhya. Do crazy stuff, weird is different.
By the way, I’m not jobless. I have many assignments to complete. And piles of stuff to sort. But this post has a purpose.
I have a secret to tell. Oh, oohh, ah, yeah, hmm, hmm. I’ll be quick, surprises are hard. I can’t deal with them myself. So, awesome peeps, here it goes…
This post has six worded sentences.
Yay, yay, boom, boom, woohoo, hurrah!

Count the words in each sentence. I make a terrible, horrible cheater.
I’m looking forward to your responses.

It’s your turn to be cool.
I love you very much, reader.
Sending you my warm fuzzy regards.

Wisdom of Jesus the Son of Sirach

I attended a writers club where we were told to write ten sentences starting with “I’ve learnt”. So here, twenty most interesting lessons I’ve learnt in the twenty short years of my not so long life.

1. I’ve learnt to stop worrying about who people think I am. Because it’s me, I own myself!
2. I’ve learnt that whatever I do doesn’t have to be sophisticated all the time, let’s go dumb!
3. I’ve learnt that weird is the new different.
4. I’ve learnt that trust is the first step to any relationship.
5. I’ve learnt to not take things at face value, it is necessary to differentiate between sweet nothings and genuine complements.
6. I’ve learnt to take it slow, because if you hurry, you flurry!
7. I’ve learnt that the cool “I don’t care” attitude is not cool any longer. I care because it’s about me!
8. I’ve learnt that the only debt one can’t repay is the gift of an understanding mother.
9. I’ve learnt to hold on to people despite misunderstandings. Because some relationships come a full circle.
10. I’ve learnt that important life lessons can only be learned through experience. Good luck, bad luck… who knows?
11. I’ve learnt that victory is sweet and easy to share. Defeat is an individual experience.
12. I’ve learnt to watch good movies. The small budget big win sorts. The true Indi win sorts.
13. I’ve learnt that love is a beautiful two way street.
14. I’ve learnt that one should drink to celebrate, not to get drunk. Barring the random kiss or drunk dialling the long gone ex is not cool.
15. I’ve learnt to raise a smile, not a fist, because I know the world expects the fist.
16. I’ve learnt to not be jealous of someone else’s beauty or covetous for someone else’s talents. I will bask in the beauty that I am and embrace the talent that I have.
17. I’ve learned that it’s mandatory to pick the cue; else the blame is on you.
18. I’ve learned that people change much like leaves. From tender green to bottle green and darker and darker. Some turn yellow in between, and then brown, then they catch fire to look dead gray.
19. I’ve learnt to hold on to my self-respect at all times. It’s wonderful to be nice, and I will. But no, not at the cost of people taking me for granted.
20. I’ve learned that what I will learn is more important than what I have learnt.

P.S. these are not just mere clichés.

Me bad bad blogger dish, why did I post a post empty of New Year wish?

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Treasure trove

The story dates back to the time I was in third year of under graduation, the last year of college. Who back then would have thought I’d have to brave another two years of attendance threats, strictly-no-plagiarizing warnings and growing up? So, the super seniority stormed into my head, got under my skin and ran deep in the veins. I lived life like there’s no tomorrow. If you didn’t believe I’m crazy, here’s the proof.
While people sat to discuss career prospects and went between their exams to give a million entrances, I laid in bed, quilled cards, shopped, got told off, occasionally felt guilty, studied now and then, wrote, gave just 2 entrances (TISS and DU for social work. I didn’t give JNU. And I got looks) and ordered tons of food and bloated into a ball. I even distracted juniors by talking about dream men and engagement rings the night before an exam. I reminded myself of my high cool quotient, because I was interning with BASIX and was earning 6000RS per month, I had a super cool boyfriend, I am pretty and I was the super senior, thanks to previous years of borderline cleared attendance!
I passed third year unscathed with 35% attendance while 66.6% was compulsory. Hey, trust me, even I didn’t think that would happen. For some time, I thought I’d have to repeat that year and it didn’t seem too bad back then. Well, why would it seem bad to a carefree, pampered brat bestowed with parental riches? I don’t know where that confidence came from, because had I been detained, I’d be writing this post from my grave. All I understood back then was kinship, friendship, internship and… uhm… courtship!
I guess because there are no reasons for absolute madness!
Ahh-ohh! Confessed too much!

*

One humid day, sometime during the beginning of the session in July, while walking into the mess for lunch,
“Hi, do you need help?”
“Please” I said and caught onto her hand. “First year?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Third year” I paraded, surely she didn’t notice.

After a brief introduction and a hurried chat in Tamil over quick spoonfuls of kaddi chawal, before the afternoon classes, I invited her to my room that evening. And she turned up. I thought she was homesick and was looking for an elder sister in me. What all seniority can do to you!
But how can you blame me? That’s how I was when I was in my first year. I asked whether she was missing home and she said yes. See?
After a few crazy, intelligent conversations and my birthday dinner when my friends with much super seniority made her wash a dirty saucepan, we became buddies. We poked fun and cracked too many inside jokes. We became buddies, sisters, well; we had other plans as well.

So now, drums roll…

Introducing my sweetie sponsor… put your hands together for Anuradha Rao!
Because she has a lot to say about me!

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The moments you can't put into words.

There are some moments that are terribly hard to describe. The amazement at a finished piece of quilling, the excitement on knowing you'll have south Indian food from Saravana Bhavan for dinner, the high feeling when you've laughed so much with a friend that you just can't laugh any more or the honour on being asked to write a guest post in the world's most entertaining blog.

It's difficult to explicitly explain these brilliant moments in words- they need to be lived. And I have lived them all. Lucky me right? I know you're probably thinking- what's in a few good moments? They come, they go, so what's the big deal? You couldn't have been more off the mark. It's this sequence of crazy, weird, mental, beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime moments that build unforgettable memories. And it helps if you have a crazy, weird, mental, beautiful, one-of-a-kind friend to share them with.

I can't even begin to describe how sad it is when a whole year of fun-filled happiness with a special person like this comes to an end. I've had to live with it every day of the past four months, and trust me, it's not easy. I don't speak of it often, because not many understand. Nobody else can appreciate the depth of that void without experiencing something like it.

So when I was asked to write this post, I jumped at the opportunity. But for a long time, I wondered. What do I write about? The topics suggested to me included Federer (oh, but that post would never end then) and the Beatles (there's nothing to write really- they need to be heard, not read about!). So then I decided I'd write about the time I spent with the person who suggested these topics in the first place. Who also happens to be the person who runs this blog, just by the way. It's not possible to put it all down in one post (not even a thousand page tome would suffice)- oh no, don't get me wrong.
It's not a problem to do with a space constraint at all. It's to do with not being able to express those intangibly amazing emotions in writing. Sometimes, words are just not enough.

By Anuradha Rao

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Old gems digged!

Sidekicks

… I make a truly fantastical sidekick!

After years of watching cartoons and bollywood and Mean Girls *sticks out her tongue*, I’ve realised that the role of the sidekick is kickass! No, honestly, can you imagine The Little Mermaid without Sebastian? Or Munna without Circuit? Circuit man! That guy! Now, tell me who’s funnier.
Munna – “Kya kar rila hai Circuit?
Circuit – “Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu”
Munna – “kyu?”
Circuit – “Bhai baap ka naam roshan karne ka hai na?”
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha! *giggles* Bhaat a joke sir ji, bhaat a joke!
But jokes apart, have you ever thought on those lines?
No? Bad sidekick you make!

Who likes the sidekick’s role? Mr. Sidekick is always sidelined. I mean, a life full of magic and misery? I get so confused man! So, strengthening my case:

• The sidekick plays the court jester role; she makes the good times roll. They clutch their stomach and sound out with great difficulty “haha…you…you…it…haha…ain’t…haha…gasp…fa…funny”! Sadly the sidekick doesn’t get the credits.
• The sidekick is so ordinary looking that she is told about other beautiful women. Come on, Circuit cared for his “bhai” and “bhaabi” more than his “jaan” who didn’t show up even during the end of Lage Raho Munna Bhai. Even Gandhi didn’t show himself to poor Circuit. Tsk tsk!
• The sidekicks always have ultra-gorgeous buddies.
• She trips over her own feet. But can’t remember being picked by Mr. Right.
• She says ridiculously silly things when she tries to be serious. She could be going pea-green with envy, but she ends up saying things like “I wish I could be the lucky dog” with a broad grin. Blow her someone, by George!
• She has memorable catch phrases. “Shut the fuck up!”, “Awesomeness”, “you won’t understand, it’s so deep!”, “you are smart and it has everything to do with your ass!”, “I like your mum, she’s really cute and I’d like to adopt her!” and many more.
• Sidekicks are peculiar. The sidekick typing to you has a peculiar laugh, ever heard a donkey bray?
• She tries to shake up the mood when the tension gets to be too much, like when the heroine is diffusing a bomb (studying for an exam or un-plagiarising an assignment), or hitting on a cute guy, or something equally as life changing and world saving!
• The sidekick gets nothing more than a handshake from a cute guy. Whenever my hand is shook by an insanely attractive gentleman, my legs turn to jelly and lose the ability of balancing, my hands shake and drop things, I turn scarlet and I prepare to liquefy while he hugs my pretty best friend and waves a goodbye! Well, she is confident and beautiful to hug him back!
• A general notion – the heroine is beautiful while the sidekick is available.
• The sidekick cooks well, the heroine bosses better!
• The sidekick has the highest cool quotient that is never noticed by anyone.
• The heroine usually has some tasks she hates to do, so the responsibility to complete said task falls to the sidekick, i.e. conveying messages. Oops! One wrong message conveyed, sidekick screwed! Even if it means telling a hot guy about the shady guy hitting on the heroine. Because the hot guy might or might not be the hero! How do you respond to questions like “why do I need to know”?
• The sidekick tends to talk a lot. That leaves cute guys with the impression that she never shuts up!
• The sidekick is either mini or huge. I’m huge.
• Dainty princesses have the capacity to grow cuter with alcohol. Sidekicks blackout!
• Sidekicks are either silhouetted or killed! Will I die before my buddies, or be their ex buddy? *shudders*

Hmm. I rest my case.
Lots of love from the sidekick zone!